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In a moving and unexpectedly hilarious revelation, renowned American comedian Marc Maron used the stage of his new HBO stand-up special Panicked to open up about a deeply personal experience involving grief, a physical collapse, and a hauntingly beautiful Taylor Swift track that ultimately gave him a newfound sense of peace about death.
Released Friday, Panicked showcases Maron's trademark blend of dark humor and emotional honesty. One standout moment in the special details his real-life “near-death experience” that unfolded during a solitary hike, which Maron took amid his emotional recovery from the loss of his partner, filmmaker Lynn Shelton.
“I’m not afraid to die anymore”—But only if this song is playing
Maron recounts the day with comedic precision: he had set out on a grueling hike that included a steep incline lasting nearly 150 minutes. Reflecting on how he had often wondered why he never passed out during such stretches, Maron says, “But I did pass out on this one particular time.”
Before the hike, the grief-stricken comic found himself musing about Taylor Swift’s global popularity and decided to listen to her album Midnights. That’s when he stumbled upon “Bigger Than the Whole Sky.”
As the melancholic track played during his ascent, the emotionally overwhelmed Marc Maron began to sob.
“I’m audibly crying. I’m hiking up the hill and I’m sobbing out loud, but I just put it on repeat because I want to feel the feels,” he said.
Eventually, the intensity of both emotion and exertion caught up to him—he bent down, blacked out, and fell. But when he regained consciousness, Taylor Swift’s voice greeted him with the haunting refrain,
“Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye…”
“I realized what happened. I get it together, I brush myself off, I drink some water,” Maron recalled. “And I have this very deep realization… I’m not afraid to die anymore because it’s just nothing. I’m not afraid to die anymore as long as it happens quickly and I have time to put that song on.”
Taylor Swift's music gets the HBO nod—Thanks to Jack Antonoff
Incorporating “Bigger Than the Whole Sky” into his HBO special wasn’t easy, especially due to licensing challenges. But Marc Maron had an unexpected ally: Jack Antonoff, Taylor Swift’s frequent collaborator and co-writer on the song.
“I said, ‘I don’t know what’s proper or how to do this… It’s probably going to come out of my pocket. Is there anything you can do about this song or talk to Taylor?’” Maron shared.
Thanks to that connection, the poignant bit—and the track—made it into Panicked, blending vulnerability with biting wit in a way only Marc Maron can.
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